The Dark Side of Competition

Yesterday, I visited my old high school track,

As soon as I stepped on, the adrenaline kicked in.

25 years later, the competitor in me is as strong as ever.

I love the thrill of competition.

It can be such a strong motivator, driving us towards excellence.

But it also has a darker side:

A means of self-validation, where we use others to feel better about ourselves.

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Let me explain.

The first time I flew Business Class, I felt a haughty satisfaction. But it wasn’t from the comfy seats or the champagne. It was the sense of being "better than" those in Economy. I realized I was comparing myself to others to feel good about myself.

We all have our versions of this:

1/ Debates:

We aim to win, not to engage in meaningful discussion, but to feel smarter.

2/ Social Media:

We share highlights, not to celebrate joy, but to feel cooler.

3/ Material Possessions:

We buy luxury, not for personal enjoyment, but to feel wealthier.

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We compete with others to validate ourselves.

Focusing on external standards is risky. It limits our growth because we stick to existing benchmarks instead of reaching for our full potential.

It also creates a false sense of separation instead of fostering genuine connection. In the end, it’s a zero-sum game with no real winners, only bigger divides.

How did we even get here?

It’s a matter of identity.

When we lack confidence in our own worth, we seek validation from others. This leads to jealousy and makes it hard to celebrate others’ successes. We start thinking that others' achievements reduce our own value.

We may withhold information or undermine others, focusing on personal gain rather than collective well-being. We lose empathy and might even secretly feel pleased when others fail.

It's uncomfortable to see, but it doesn't have to be this way.

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There's another approach to Competition:

1/ Focus on Personal Growth:

Embrace competition as the highest expression of own our potential. This is a journey of "Who do I want to become?", not just the goals I want to achieve.

2/ Competitors as Mirrors:

Instead of viewing others as adversaries, use others as reflections of what's possible.

3/ Channel Your Creativity:

If you're feeling jealous, it's likely you’re not tapping into your full creative potential. Redirect this energy into expressing your unique genius.

4/ Create a Category of One:

Instead of trying to beat others at their game. Create your own.

Simone Biles, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, Andy Warhol, Pablo Picasso, Banksy.

We remember these names not because they adhered to existing standards, but because they redefined categories on their terms.

Tap into *your* genius, and change the world.

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I'd love to hear from you. What do you think?

How have you used competition to fuel your growth?

Let’s inspire each other.