Letting things die

A life skill I wished I had learned much earlier:

How to let things die.

I've always been a fighter, believing sheer willpower could change circumstances, and unwilling to accept when things were coming to an end. This mindset affected many areas of my life:

**1. Relationships:**  

I held on to friendships and romantic partners long past their due date, thinking that if I just tried harder and pushed more, we could make it work. Sound familiar?

**2. Jobs:**  

I stayed in roles that bored me, roles I had clearly outgrown. I clung to the familiar even when it cost me my vitality.

**3. Possessions:**  

I held on to clothes, trinkets, and apartments that no longer fit my personality or style, thinking there *might* be some usefulness in the future. Not realizing the accumulation of things was weighing me down.

Sharing this feels vulnerable, but I know I’m not the only one. It begs the question: Why do we fear letting go?

I think this stems from three reasons:

**1. Fear of Loss of Identity:**  

We often define ourselves through our relationships, possessions, and activities. Letting go of these attachments can feel like letting go of who we are, especially when we don’t know who we are without them.

**2. Conflating Endings with Failure:**  

I don’t like to lose. For the longest time, I perceived endings as personal failures rather than natural conclusions.

**3. Fear of the Unknown:**  

If you’re like me, you want something solid in hand before releasing the not-so-great option. I thought this would keep me safe, but in reality, the in-between space felt like a purgatory of unfulfillment.

So, what have I learned?

Our inability to let go, surrender, and embrace endings has a hidden cost. By holding on, I not only prolonged my pain, I contributed to my suffering.

Here’s what I know now:

**1. Release Invites New Opportunities:**  

Holding tightly to what is already dissolving is like trying to grasp sand—the harder I squeeze, the faster it slips away. By letting go, I open my hands to receive new possibilities for my life.

**2. Perspective Shapes Understanding:**  

I often prematurely judged an ending as good or bad, thinking it was the end of something. But where does the road end? Answer: Who knows? What may seem like an ending might actually serve as fertilizer for a new beginning. Trusting that everything, even the unsavory aspects, is working towards our highest good is a big part of the spiritual journey.

**3. Empowerment Through Choice:**  

Letting go is empowering. Instead of being passive participants in our suffering, we become active agents, making conscious decisions to align with our well-being. By consciously deciding to let go, we affirm that we are choiceful co-creators.

I’d love to hear from you. What are you holding onto? What’s passed its due date? What might you gain by loosening your grip and welcoming change?

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Hi, I’m Tiffany May Yan Chan, a Spiritual Advisor to Leaders. I write about consciousness, energy, and leadership. If this resonates, please reach out. I’d love to hear from you.